I want to make a point to share the details through my blog. The ugly that isn’t talked about, The goodness that we see in the middle of the ashes but we don’t always share and FEELINGS. Because clearly I have enough of those to host a hallmark.
I was on the phone yesterday with my best friend feeling overly exhausted from the 24 hours of events, loopy from the meds and blabbering what must have evolved into nonsense at some point and to her saving grace, the doorbell rang.
A lady handed me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. I had no idea who they were from.
But the card-
“I Love you so much for everything.
I LOVE YOU MOMMY,
oh JESUS! Hold my aching heart!!! I’m running through the people who knew our angel baby’s name? Who did we tell? I called my mom to thank her, not her ..I had just gotten off the phone with Nana, it wasn’t her. I texted my husband. He called me.
My tough, tender, thoughtful partner in this life (who by nature is sturdy and always our strength) was crushed. This man is absolute gold. Yesterday, he was a man who wore a strong face. But, privately he wept and wrote a letter to his wife from his son in heaven as a symbol of love and LIFE. and I will tell you this, no flower from this man could ever be more sacred to me. these blooms sitting on my table will be hung to dry and pressed into my bible.
To tell you I don’t ache is a lie. But I AM managing with a rally of prayer and support. My husband’s heart is so beautiful. His spirit is in cahoots with Jesus. And he keeps reminding me to TRUST. And I DO.
Please- if you’re reading this through loss of your own, hear this one thing: God is present. God can take the heaviest portion of your burden. Don’t walk through this valley alone. This has been my greatest lesson. I cannot tell you the peace I have FELT!!!!! Which learning this will be another post entirely.
I know life wounds us. It’s meant to. We see beauty, like blooms and feel the ache of old bruises in loss.
But our God is so GOOD. Our trials change us. They mold us and form us into different versions of ourselves. And all for HIS glory.
Ending (I promise) with James 1: 2-5 :